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The Past Few Days

The past few days have been very odd.
Starting out with Thursday when Jared drank too much 4.
He kept accusing me of liking Jon because
one time Jon took me to eat at the Greek Deli.
It was stupid and petty.
The next day I was EXTREMELY hungover.
I don't know how because I wasn't even that drunk.
Danielle was also hungover.
We had too compete for the bathroom to puke.
I finally started feeling better.
I got in the shower and made me self look pretty.
Then I got a call from Nicole, or so I thought.
I turned out Rob and Jerica were in town.
So I hauled my ass all the way home to ride the bus with them to a party.
And low and behold.
They are no where to be found.
I waited for an hour, they never showed up.
I hauled my ass back on the fucking bus.
Ended up at Bryces party.
Everyone was pretty drunk when I got there.
I didn't want to drink at first,
but of course I did.
The night was pretty fun.
Gunther freaked out on me for calling him emo.
He's ridiculous.
Jared and I got a ride home at 2am from Dave Noyse.
When we got home Rob and Jerica were there.
We kicked it with them for quite a while.
I think it was about 4am when we finally went to sleep.
The next day we went to look at a room on Hawthorne.
It was bad ass and perfect, but of course the guys never called us back.
Typical craigslist.
We went out to eat at a place called, "No Fish Go Fish."
They make these little fried sandwiches shaped like fish.
One of mine was good,
the other, not so much.
The nest day was Valentines Day.....
Ah Valentines.
Jared wrote me a little Valentine in the Mercury, it said,
"Tekiah, I love you from the bottom of my stinky ass feet (which I just rubbed on you pillow) to the top of my head. I hope this Vday is just like the last."
I'm glad it wasn't like last year actually....
I woke up in the morning to a text from James.
He was at my neighbors and wanted to hang out.
I told him I wasn't home.
He then invited me to go eat with him and some friends.
I met up with them at the Lloyd center.
We went to Taco Time.
His friends all went and sat down.
We went to sit with them.
There was no room.
So we had to sit alone.
It wasn't that awkward until the end.
He asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him.
I told him Jared wouldn't be okay with that and I didn't have money.
He said he didn't mean it like that and he would pay.
I still left.
I felt weird about it
and I could tell he meant it that way completely.
And it was Vday.
That would've made it even weirder.
Now it's Tuesday.
Time for my alcohol class again.
We're watching Drug Store Cowboy.
Mainly because it was filmed in Portland.

It's Friday

I just got back to my house.
I'm hungover as hell.
It's almost seven.
Rob and Jerica were supposed to meet me at six.
I'm just going to leave them a note.
There's a party at Bryce's house tonight.
I'm going,
but I don't think I will be doing any drinking.
I feel like shit.
I think I puked six or eight times today.
I guess that's one way to loose a little weight.

4 Loko

 Jared is attempting to drink four 4 Loko's
He says "I want to see the effects it has on me with out other booze."
He's on the second one.
Drunk already.

Soccer is again tomorrow.
It will be muddy.
I can't wait.
Then a party at Bryce's.
It's been a while since he's had anything.

I've been at Danielles for the past couple of days.
Drinking beers.
Watching movies.
The usual.

Jared and went to go look at a house today.
The people weren't there.
Flaked out.
We have two more places to go look at this weekend.
One is on 46th and Hawthorne.
I really hope we get that.
I would love to live closer to my dad.

Well nothing else too exciting is going on.

Recovering From The Weekend

Just got done sewing my black pants.
They've need it since December when Alex ripped them.
I had to borrow floss from one of my friends.
My roomate still swears he never borrowed mine.

Saturday was Danielles birthday party.
It was super super fun!!!
I drank too many four lokos,
but I didn't make a fool out of myself.
At least from what I can remember.
There were a lot of people there.
All the usual, plus some more.
James came.
I was excited to see him because we haven't hung out for a few months.
We sat in the corner and talked about music for a while.
I didn't think anything of it.
I got up to go to the bathroom.
As I came out James was right there.
He blocked me and kind of pushed me back into the bathroom.
Then tried to kiss me and told me how much he likes me.
I was flabbergasted.
I didn't know what to say so I just walked away.
That was the last person I ever expected to tell me that.
He's some D-beat kid.
Not that that's a reason for him not to like me,
but none the less it was weird.
He apologized the next day,
but told me he still "has feelings for me."
The rest of the night was mostly typical.
Nate starting random fights at three am.
Danielle being sad for a while,
then getting over it.

Jared and I went to look at a house yesterday.
It was a huge basement that was awesome.
The owner called me today and said she rented it out already.
Oh well.
It's so hard to find a place to live!!

I didn't do much today.
Just picked up my new glasses.
Turned in my Anger Awareness completion paper.
Now I'm at home.
Wondering when the hell I'm going to get out of here.


I was supposed to babysit today,
but the parents didn't have their paychecks yet.
I played soccer with a bunch of ladies.
Kelly, Leila, Heff, Breawn, Chelsea, Ashley, Kegan, and Alex (one boy).
It was really fun.
I did a hell of a lot better than I thought I would.
I scored four goals
I think one of them didn't count.
I feel really good now that I've been exercising more.
And my whole "diet" what not is going better now.
I never thought I would do stuff like this....
But it's working out good, so whatever.

I have to get up at six thirty tomorrow and go all the way out to 82nd and Division for a class.
A class on Anger Awareness that is court ordered.
It's from eight am to five pm.
At least I only have to go one time.

Well I'm tired and sore as fuck.
It's gonna be worse tomorrow.
Good Night!!!

No Dentist

I didn't go to the dentist like I was supposed to today.
I faked being sick because it was too early to get up.
Oh well.
My next appointment is in two weeks in the afternoon.
I should be awake by that time.
I need to start going to bed before two am.
It's taking a toll on my seeing the day.

I've been having very discomforting dreams lately.
About Nicole and Brooklyn.
The first one was almsot a week ago.
Nicole lived in the attic instead of the basement.
Brooklyn was still alive and fully grown.
There was also a black kitten living up there.
Nicole had no boyfriend or boy problems,
just the animals.
She seemed very happy.
The other dream I had was quite the opposite.
Nicole got home early from her trip to MA.
I opened to door to find her smoking (she doesn't)
and her hair done up in a messy meth-head looking bun.
She was sweeping the living room and babbling.
Babbling about the house being a mess and dead animals under the house.
I asked her "what animals?"
She said, "the garbage man found dead ground hogs under there. I can smell them."
Then she went back to sweeping and babling about the stench.
For some reason I thought of Brooklyn under the house, buried.
I don't know what these dreams mean.
Maybe they mean two different realities in how things could've been.
But the second one was scaryish and closer to reality.
I don't like that.

I want to sew really bad right now.
I have a whole pile of stuff,
but no floss.
I lent it to one of my roomates,
he claims he
"gave it back.'
Sure, yeah, that's why I'm asking for it.
It's fucking floss, just find it.


I have to go to the Dentist tomorrow
I've already been twice in the last month
Once for cleaning
and once to fill two cavities.
I have to get two more tomorrow.
I hate the dentist.
I should've just taken better care of my teeth....
I don't understand how some people can never brush their teeth
and yet have nothing wrong.
Like Jared.
What the fuck?
I think after this time I only have three more cavities left.
I have to get up at like eight too.
I was supposed to get a ride but not anymore....
That's the only reason I made the appointment early.

Today was boring.
I went to a meeting with my counselor
and was only there for fifteen minutes.
I'll have to pay forty bucks for that.
This whole situation is sucking so much money.
I feel bad having to use Jareds money,
but if I couldn't do that.
I would be very fucked over.
How do they expect people to pay for this shit??

I went to the grocery store again today.
I forgot to pickles, hummas, and bagels yesterday.
The greeter there is cute.
I'm trying to ride my bike or run on the treadmill at Danielles.
Some form of exercise every day
even for just thirty minutes.
I also am trying to just intake one thousands calories a day.
That's really hard.
I didn't realize how hard it would be but I guess its only been like two days.
I have a food and exercise journal ha.
I never thought I would do that.
I'm going to have to count everything out on Saturday before the party.
Since when did I start caring about this stuff???
I guess since I got fatt-er.

I've been listening to the Killed By Death Compilations all day.
It sucks that half of these bands don't have more than a few songs recorded.
And most of them are on these comps.
I really like the songs "I Hate Cops" by the Authorities
and "Never Work" by Lost Generation.
I don't think either of those bands has their own album.
I know Lost Generation doesn't.

Well I got to get to bed.
Or try to.
I have a hard time going to sleep this early.
Or even sleeping alone.
I feel awkward.
I don't know why.
I need to get over it.


Feb. 2nd, 2010

Just got done watching Lost.
I don't get the new season.
It's gone way off the deap end I don't even know if I want to continute watching it.
My alcohol class was also today.
Took my second UA ever.
Managed to piss all over myself.
I don't understand why they make the cups so small.
Who thinks a vagina can aim into that??
I need to learn how to aim I guess.
I find my class very unmoving.
I don't understand how it can be considered "treatment."
All we do is watch movies
and talk about our day.
I swear.
Fucking Portland cops.
If it wasn't for them I wouldn't even be in this class.
I guess I should feel lucky I only got two charges instead of seven.
I could be in jail right now.
Well that's all for now.
Another pointless journal entry.

One Year Later

So its been about a year since I've written in here.
I never did hop that train or see Amebix in Seattle.
We ended up getting a ride and not being able to buy tickets.
The whole time we were there was spent eating pizza, drinking booze and watching old musicals.
It was a nice time none the less.
Kind of weird seeing Rob meet my family.
Amebix did end up coming to Portland.
That was a blast.
Even if Jared got kicked out
and I was the only person with any color on.
Green Pants.
I stood out, to say the least.

I live in a house now.
With Nicole and some other people.
Too many people.
It's really no different than Wills.
Just more space for people to stay awake all night.
More space for drinking.
More space for crafting.
More space for fighting.
More space for laughing.
I like where I live.
The neighborhood.
Most of my roomates.
Sometimes it's just too much though.

I lived in an apartment for a while with a girl from Colorado before this house.
That was no fun in the end.
Late nights of yelling.
Catching her asleep with her vibrator in hand.
Doors always being slammed.
Hostile yet funny place.

My water has been turned off for almost two months.
Maybe even three.
I've gotten so used to it I don't even remember.
The house looks like a squat almost.
It might as well be.
We have a slumlord.
Not a landlord.
He's supposed to pay for the water but won't return our calls.
Oh well.


Kill a Cop for Rock and Roll

I am so fucking bored its making me sick.
The only time I left the house was at 8am this morning.
I was suppossed to get food stamps
but the office was closed for MLK day.
I got up four hours earlier than I have this whole time Ive been here.
And the place wasn't even open.
I'm gonna try and go again tomorrow, 
but Justen wants to go at 7am.
I think that might be a little to early for me.
Nothing very exciting happened today.
Will put on two girls one cup
and proceeded to put on more shit porn.
It made me feel like puking.
I went and laid in Wills bed and recovered.
I don't understand how people can watch that.
Who gets off on an asian girl pooping and shoving it down her own throat?

Neil wants to hop the train with us now too.
So far its gonna be me, Jared, Rob and Justen.
I don't think one more person is gonna make too much difference.
Neil seems pretty cool too.
Hes the singer for Tweaking Like Matty.
I met him at the Eviction party Nicole had at her house.

Theres a house show tomorrow,
so I hope thats good.
I'm in need of a good time.